Last night I rifled through my blog notes that I originally wrote down about nine months ago when I started this wild journey. Notes about writing topics, hopes, dreams, wishes and fears, things that interest me and things that I dislike, place we’ve gone and places we intend to go, and a whole slew of other random blurbs about where I want to take my life. That seems to be my free time thinking topic these days – where I am going and how am I going to get there?
Yesterday, as I muddled through another mundane Thursday on the 7th floor of my downtown Los Angeles high-rise building, I once again had the recurring thought of a different life. Well, not completely a different life – don’t get me wrong, I am not leaving Hugo, the pups, my beautiful home, or the remainder of my close family. I mainly just want to change my job and how I spend my time, as I strive to find something that excites me and pushes me both mentally and spiritually. The spiritual side of it pertains to my wish to pour my heart and soul into a passion project that I could spend my life doing. And I keep looking around at the world and all of the different people and professions that comprise this massive planet and I can’t help but wonder – what else is out there?
Maybe I am being a little selfish thinking about what more I can do for myself and never being completely satisfied with my current position in life. Don’t get me wrong – I have worked incredibly hard to get where I am and I am very thankful for the wonderful benefits that come with my current employment. Regardless, I can’t deny my feelings, my gut and my heart. In my opinion, no one should. Thankfully, I have an insanely supportive spouse, as well as parents who always want the best for me, so I really don’t have anything to lose.
It might just me a weird phase, as I continue getting adjusted to work life in the big city. After all, I am a country girl at heart and maybe I will never get used to a long commute, spending ten to 12 hours a day in the concrete jungle, and the overwhelming amount of human interaction that comes with a large organization with tons of moving parts. I probably tell Hugo on an almost daily basis how I want, need and crave a change. At this point, he is sick of my frustration and uneasiness with my current situation. Maybe sometime soon I will either find peace with the present or decide to jump into the deep end of the entrepreneurial ‘pool’. But first, I will need to buy some swimmies.